F3 fund?

F3? F Cube? Funds of funds of hedge funds">hedge funds? Due to insatiable investor demand it's time for the F4 - the first fund of fund of fund of hedge funds">hedge funds. Why now? There are more than 10,000 hedge funds">hedge funds and over 2,000 funds of hedge funds">hedge funds. Choosing which FOHF is as complex as choosing underlying hedge funds">hedge funds. So now there are funds of funds of hedge funds">hedge funds, usually abbreviated to F3s.

But how to select F3s? Enter the F4. The F Tesseract hypercube will help investors navigate the minefield, avoid headline risk and detect all those rotten apples in the F3 industry. The F4 will not repeat the mistakes that so often occur at the F2 and F3 levels like confusing large AUMs with best future performance, channeling money to hasbeen favorites running dinosaur strategies or insisting that their funds were alpha generators not the usual repackaged beta bandits.

The F4 will occupy vast amounts of F3, F2 and F1 managers' time drilling down in a paranoid display of obsessive verification. The proprietary due diligence process will dig into every aspect of these firms. We will conduct daily on-site visits. Private detectives will examine the entire life, habits and background of every portfolio manager in excruciating detail. A red flag from preschool days will be grounds for exclusion from the F4. All manager emails, phone and voice conversations are monitored. Live feed cameras are located in every trader's home and office so we can catch all those frauds the media claims are rife in hedge fund land. Ankle bracelets are mandatory for anyone hoping to make it into the F4 multi-multi-multi-manager portfolio.

The required 1,000 page RFP questionnaire uses rigorous psych-op metrics to sort the wheat from the chaff in the swashbuckling cowboy world of F3s. All trades by F3, F2 and F1 managers must be pre-authorized by our byzantine bureaucracy with approval forms to be submitted in original notarized triplicate to the numerous F4 oversight committees. You can't be too careful in the lawless "unregulated" world of hedge funds">hedge funds! Initial due diligence includes prospective managers providing a pint of blood, a pound of flesh and their great-aunt's, next door neighbor's second-cousin's birth certificate. We do proper background checks.

The F4 is the only fund of fund of fund of hedge funds">hedge funds. We are also working on a guaranteed F4 so that we can bury even more fees in the product. We have also locked up F5 and F6 trademarks and patents for when the business evolves to the next level. Quintuple and sextuple fee layers are the next big thing. If you want to diversify away all sources of risk and return the F4 is for you. Avoid the complications and headaches of direct investment in F3 hedge funds">hedge funds. Savor the safety of the F4, the world's best investment!

by Veryan Allen. Copyright

hedge fund trader |hedge fund lawyer |hedge fund intelligence |hedge fund world |toronto hedge funds |